I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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