Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
