You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
