you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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