Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
