This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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