So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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