funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
