In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
