I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
