i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
