U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
