...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
