i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
