True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
