Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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