Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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