im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
from now on my penis is your penis
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
