Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
