hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
