I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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