What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
