I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
