'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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