Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
