Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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