I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
