i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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