why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
did i just pee glitter
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
