used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
