chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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