We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
