Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
