I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
