I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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