Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
