you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
