Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
