does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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