Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i think i have two assholes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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