So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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