Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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