Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
