you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
