I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
