I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
