Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
