I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
