In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
