Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
