Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
