you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
